I understand that these things sound like whitewashed asian cuisine, but just trust me. I found recipes by Saweetie and Gloom that take these dishes up to the next level.

First, I’m making Gloom’s Fried Rice, the harder of the two meals to make. It’s basically like regular fried rice but uses King Oyster Mushrooms instead of any kind of meat (which I substituted for chicken because I just can’t eat rice without some kind of meat), chilies, and with a sauce that includes White Pepper, a very strong kind of pepper that you have to use sparingly in order for things to taste good. Other than that, the steps are pretty much the same. Cook the rice in a rice cooker and the meat in a separate pan, infuse oil with garlic, throw the meat into the oil until well coated, add in the veggies (carrots, peas, and green onions), add the rice, season it some more, and done. This recipe also incorporates an egg, cooked on a different pan and added in when sufficiently scrambled.

Saweetie’s Cheeto Ramen is much easier to make. You take a noodle cup (I use the Shin Cup Noodles) and add tabasco and seasoning salt, cook it, and then add the ramen to a bag of cheetos (mostly empty because I can only assume you can only do this with a serving of cheetos that you can finish), and shake the bag to incorporate the cheetos with the ramen. This recipe is quite sodium heavy, so Saweetie likes to negate that just a tad by draining the ramen after it is done cooking.

This. Was. Amazing. The ramen was very spicy and I cried a lot because of the pain, but it still tasted amazing. The fried rice was even better. Perfectly seasoned, such well rounded flavors, and so filling. I struggled to get anyone to try the ramen (because my display for the ramen… was not the best) but both of my sisters tried the fried rice, each stating that it was “so good, like 5 star fancy restaurant quality.”