Having trouble with forgiving and keeping boundaries? Let’s kill two birds with one stone.

Forgiveness is easier said than done. When someone hurts you, replaying it keeps you tied to the moment. At some point, you have to ask yourself: is this helping me grow or keeping me stuck in the past? These few steps can help you leave grudges in the past.  

First, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Not to excuse them, but to remember that we all make mistakes, but also patterns. Second, accept the apology if it’s genuine. You can’t truly forgive if you’re still rejecting it in your heart. Third, know the difference between forgiving and forgetting; forgiving frees you, but forgetting isn’t required. Lastly, stop constantly venting about it. Reopening the wounds keeps them fresh. Decide to let it heal.  

And do not think forgiving makes you weak. It takes strength to let go. When you truly release it, it feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders. You can see the person, wave, and keep pushing without bitterness. 

That’s where boundaries come in. Forgiveness clears your heart; boundaries protect it. Once you let go, you decide what access any person gets to have moving forward. You can move on and still stand your ground. Be honest about why you need this boundary: is it protection, healing, or because you’re tired of shrinking yourself? Sometimes we call it forgiveness when we’re avoiding, or boundaries when we’re afraid to communicate. Growth is uncomfortable, yet necessary.